The Silent Phase of Motherhood That Nobody Talks About

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Meet matrescence, aka the transition to becoming a mom.

Written by 

Maggie Aime

These days, welcoming a baby often comes with creative gender reveals, endless onesie shopping (do we ever have enough?), and debates over the perfect stroller. And let’s not forget the unsolicited advice about sleep schedules, swaddles, and whether you’re using the “right” baby bottle. Meanwhile, there’s a whole other transformation happening—one that’s not getting nearly enough airtime. The one where you—the mother—are going through this massive life change. That feeling of losing pieces of your old self while trying to figure out this new role. That confusing space where you’re not quite sure who you’re becoming, either. That realization that motherhood isn’t the full-on glow up you thought, but more like a complete overhaul you didn’t expect.

Yeah, that part. It’s something that many moms can relate to. That experience has a name: matrescence. And honestly, it explains so much.

What’s matrescence, anyway?

Matrescence is the transformative process of becoming a mother, Victoria Trinko, MA, a matrescence educator and co-founder of Seed Mother, tells Well+Good. It’s an experience many mothers share, even if it’s a term you’re just now hearing for the first time. 

By “transformative process”, we’re not just talking about learning how to care for a tiny human. Matrescence is a full-body, full-life shift that can touch every part of your identity as a mother. It involves physical, hormonal, emotional, psychological, relational, and even spiritual changes that occur throughout the transition into motherhood, explains Trinko.¹ (More on this below.)

Matrescence typically kicks off during pregnancy, but it’s not like flipping a switch. It can ebb and flow through postpartum, early motherhood, and well beyond. And unlike the cute baby phase that seems to be over in a blink, matrescence can last months, years, or, honestly, as long as you’re evolving in your role as a mother. (Yeah, that’s kind of a lifetime.)

After all, “becoming a mother doesn’t happen in one moment. It doesn’t happen right after the baby is born or adopted,” says Julia Sarewitz, MA, also a matrescence educator and co-founder of Seed Mother. Instead, it unfolds over time.

The word “matrescence” was first used in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael, the same person who gave us the term “doula.”² Fast forward to today, psychologist Aurélie Athan, PhD revived the idea of matrescence, comparing it to adolescence—you know, that sometimes awkward, messy, often confusing, but formative phase we may all remember during teenhood.

And that comparison nails it. Just like teenagers deal with biological changes, shifting emotions, and evolving identities, new mothers go through a similar transformation, Trinko explains. The difference is that teens often get whole support systems, like health classes and pep talks from guidance counselors. Mothers? Not so much.

In fact, matrescence is rarely talked about, let alone supported, Trinko notes. And that leaves many mothers feeling lost or overwhelmed, especially when their experience doesn’t match the picture-perfect version of motherhood they expected, she adds.

What happens during matrescence?

One of the most powerful things about matrescence is realizing just how layered this transition is. Scientists call these layers “domains”—basically, the different areas of your life that are changing. Dr. Athan mapped out the domains of matrescence to help explain the many ways motherhood touches every part of your life. 

Some of these changes are physical and hormonal, explains Trinko—think pregnancy, birth, postpartum healing, breastfeeding, and yes, even those infamous “mommy brain” moments. (Fun fact: studies show the brain actually rewires itself during motherhood to help you better respond to your child’s needs. Turns out your brain isn’t failing you—it’s adapting.)^3,4

Then there are the emotional shifts. These can range from joy and deep love to sadness, anxiety, or even a resurfacing of old wounds or past trauma, says Trinko. You might feel overwhelming love one minute and crushing doubt the next—and all of it is normal.

Socially, life might look a little (or a lot) different, too, Trinko adds. Friendships, romantic partnerships, and family dynamics can shift as you settle into your new role. Parenthood generally brings new expenses and might make you rethink career plans and long-term goals. And with that, Trinko explains that your worldview might change, too. You might start reflecting on society, your child’s future, and experience a spiritual shift. 

These changes don’t happen at once or in the same way for everyone, Sarewitz explains. For many moms, knowing that motherhood is a gradual evolution, and not an overnight change, can be a huge relief, she notes. It gives you permission to be wherever you are in the process without judging yourself for not immediately feeling like you’ve got this whole mom thing figured out. Plus, “it really depends on the unique and individual experience of each mother or person who identifies as a mother,” she adds. 

And here’s something else: matrescence isn’t limited to biological moms. Research shows that non-birthing parents experience changes in brain structure and chemistry when caring for a child, just like biological parents do.⁵ Sarewitz explains that at Seed Mother, anyone stepping into a mothering role, whether through birth, adoption, fostering, or surrogacy, is included. 

We live in a culture that prepares people to birth and take care of a baby, but not a culture that prepares us to become mothers.

Victoria Trinko, MA

Why we don’t talk about matrescence enough

For a long time, the spotlight in parenthood has been mostly on the baby. “We live in a culture that prepares people to birth and take care of a baby, but not a culture that prepares us to become mothers,” says Trinko.